Friday, February 11, 2005
Winter Morning
Outside
this window, just
past the condensation
of my breath, there's a murder of
whiteness.
Outside
this window, just
past the condensation
of my breath, there's a murder of
whiteness.
Comments:
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I really like this one. Like the previous one, it also seems a bit metapoetic--though it's about the winter morning, it is also about the poet's "breath" and blankness.
What if you changed "from" to "of" in line 4, so that "condensation" is not a thing, but an act? Just a thought.
Good stuff.
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What if you changed "from" to "of" in line 4, so that "condensation" is not a thing, but an act? Just a thought.
Good stuff.
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This blog features my original poetry and is a companion site to www.cinquain.org.
Aaron Toleos
aaron@toleos.com
Aaron Toleos
aaron@toleos.com
